The gift of lament

- my dear reader,

I want to write to you today in these unsettling times about how to respond in times of tragedy and the gift of lament. 

Hello to all new subscribers - you may know me from my conference talks at Evolving Faith, Premier Digital and Mind and Soul, or my book, Those Who Wait. I’m sorry to admit it’s been a while since I last wrote, so if you recently subscribed, you may not remember. (But you honestly did). 

Please accept my virtual apologies for my silence and an equally virtual chocolate bar. 

Right now, my life is almost the same as ever, except that everyone else is also living my life and I’m suddenly being consulted as an expert in self-isolation. It's surreal. 

Fair warning: it’s going to be a case of famine plus feast in terms of these letters because I have been spurred into action by the current crisis and want to put some great resources out there to spiritually accompany other people through this time. I am SCHEMING, I tell you. 

I’ll let you know more in the next few days, and then it will probably settle down again. I may also put the part about lament up on the blog, so if it comes twice, ignore the second one. 

The reason I have been quiet for the past few months is that I have been spending a lot of energy lamenting. Lament is a spiritual response to injustice or wrongdoing or tragedy in the world. It can also be a spiritual response to our own sin or our sadness. It’s described as a spiritual discipline, but I think it could be as much of a gift as a discipline, because it’s about being honest before God about how we’re feeling. 

Here are some areas of life you may currently be lamenting.

Lament for society

Between the day of the election and Christmas Day, I decided to wear black, because I needed a ritual to express and process all that I felt during the British election campaign. 

I wanted to wear black as a protest and prophetic act, so people could ask me why and I could tell them all about how disability rights have been systematically under attack in the last ten years and how austerity is hurting the most vulnerable in society. 

No one asked. 

Of course, this would have gone better if a) I was able to leave the house so that people could see I was wearing black and b) I was well enough to get dressed every day instead of being in various Yuletide cheery pyjamas for a good portion of the week. But still, it’s the thought that counts, right? #houseboundprophetproblems 

• What in society are you crying out to God about right now? 

Lamenting the behaviour of Christians

A recent spate of cases of spiritual abuse have been sickening to read - and I do mean literally sickening. Over the years, I have been walking with several people through the long-term consequences of spiritual abuse while their abusers continue to minister with impunity, after a brief rap on the knuckles. It is not okay. 

• What in the church do you wish God would set right? 

Lament for the people close to me

Back in January, I wrote to you asking for your financial help for my friend, Jenny Rowbory, who has been suffering horrifically for fifteen years with severe ME, vascular EDS and now cervico-cranial instability. Her life was at risk without surgery, and the surgery gave the promise of potentially turning her life around. I was moved and beyond thankful at the generosity of so many of you in giving her the life-saving surgery she desperately needed. However, though her life was saved, she’s now in more horrific suffering than ever, and I don’t know how to begin to process the injustice of it all. 

• What in your life right now is painful, unfair, hopeless? 

Lament for the world

I feel like right now in the UK we are in the eye of the middle of the storm, with that false sense of calm around us before everything gets ripped to shreds. I have been lamenting for the thousands dying before their time, those who will be more affected because of poverty and vulnerability. We have seen heroism in the past few weeks and utter selfishness, the best and worst of humanity. 

• What in the world right now is making you want to weep before God? 

My answer of how we respond to tragedy and injustice is not so much a theological or rational answer but by commending a spiritual practice: lament.

Weeping, silence, raging at God, raging at the evil of this world, begging God with inexpressible groans are all holy and biblical practices. We can’t get over it, or under it, or round it, but lament is the way we go through it, with God’s Holy Spirit by our side as comforter. It’s necessary and holy work, but it’s exhausting, and seemingly wastes time. 

For the best part of four months, this has been the majority of my ‘work’ - lamenting.

There will be some people who need to hear this - lament is holy work, and it is as exhausting. But it is not wasted, and it is honoured by God. 

I have read one book since November and done no writing. I’ve reworked two lectures and given them, and have marked a set of pastoral theology essays, but other than that I have done very little for four months. I have felt silent. I have needed to wear metaphorical sackcloth and ashes and give space for God to be with me in the silence. 

So today’s permission slip is for silence and lament. Wear black if it helps, or refuse to brush your hair as if you are in mourning.

Ask yourself those four questions prayerfully:

• What do I need to lament in society? 
• What do I need to lament in the church? 
• What do I need to lament in my own sphere and personal life? 
• What do I need to lament in the world? 

A challenge: Spend five minutes being honest before God, either with lighting a candle, kicking a cushion or whatever else expresses where you are before God. 

I will be in touch again soon. 

Thank you, as ever, for journeying with me

Tanya 

P.S. Do share this letter if you want to publicly if you think it would be helpful. I will also be sharing this letter on social media, though I don't normally. 

P.P.S. If you haven't been on my blog recently, please do check out my latest post about love. 

P.P.P.S. If you get this in the morning and you are in the UK, listen out for me on Maria Rodrigues' Woman to Woman Show on Premier Christian Radio.